Ugh, when is enough ENOUGH? I'm so sick of the rollercoaster of emotions. And WHY does the heart ache- I mean seriously, is there any medical explanation? If you have any insight, I'd like to know...

And since I'm a list maker, I thought I'd make a list of things to do for today:

1. Pack bag for class tomorrow (first day back= a very sad Marissa)

2. Create schedule for spring classes at Stan State.

3. Pray to God that I get this job w/ the school district. Nobody wants to be a sub!

4. Clean room- dust, vacuum, windows. NOBODY likes a messy room. And it allows me to think clearly.

5. Try to get in touch with Allison/ Steph... haven't talked to them in way too long.

6. Schedule a coffee date w/ Alyssa for "girl talk"- we need it.

7. Find a guy that makes me feel emotionally validated. Snuggling would be nice as well. (Ok, doubt this one would happen, but I believe being optimistic is healthy)

8. Go to sleep at a decent hour tonight- since it's a school night.  Try to keep a positive outlook on my math class, and realize that despite drama and anxiety, this is going to be an AWESOME semester. :repeats to self:

Yes, the title speaks for itself.  The past few days have been a blur. These lyrics leave me in a trance, and I can't help but repeat the song over and over. Ray LaMontagne, you are a brilliant  and talented man with a seemingly tortured soul! How artsy...  

"Can I stay here with you till day breaks
There something you should know, I ain’t got no place to go
Can I stay here with you till the day breaks
How happy it would make me to see your face when I awake

Can I stay here with you through the night time
I’ve fallen sad inside
And I need a place to hide
Can I stay here with you through the nighttime
I’m all alone and blue
Won’t you take me to your room..."

In between listening to sullen, un-requited love songs, I've found that I can achieve a lot when I put my mind to it. Organizing my bedroom, cleaning the house, writing, labeling, and sealing my Christmas cards (and incidentally slicing my tongue open in the process! That was one entertaining part of my weekend. haha) Ever wonder WHY the adhesive on envelopes taste so bad? Why can't they just flavor them with mint or something? C'mon people! Anywho, I'm looking forward to Christmas break with friends and family. If I can keep myself busy, I won't have time to be so gloomy and "emo".

This song gets me.

So I found out from my Human Sexualities book that when you like/love someone and you can't be with them, your body can't get those chemicals that give you that "feel good" rush... meaning, you're sad, depressed, and quite literally, going through withdrawals. Love is like a drug... and I can't get my fix. :sigh:

I'm miserable. I can't sleep, I can't focus, and my family says I'm turning into a bitch. But I wouldn't want it any other way.

It's sick, I know...